Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Women's choice to have choices

I was on pinterest the other day and I came across this pin that was titled, "Are you a wife that is easy to love?" I liked the sound of that and I am always looking for ways to better myself as a person and a wife, so I clicked on the blog. It's a good article. It has some decent advice and I took it for what it was meant for and nothing more. However, some of the comments that followed made me very angry. For those of you interested, here is the blog:

The main point to the blog was this: respect your husband and in turn he will love you which is what we want. I agree with her point of view. Men want respect. That's how they feel loved the most. We want love shown to us or given to us whether it's through flowers, the husband doing the dishes, or simply the husband saying "you look beautiful today". It differs from women to women, but if we show our husbands respect, they feel important, meaningful and well, respected and then they want to show us how much they love us and appreciate us for helping him feel that way. Simple. I truly believe,  this is how God meant it to be.

But woman started commenting on this blog about how disgusted they were and how disturbing this concept is. One lady stated that she needed to get respect in order to give it. Seriously? When did our world become you have to get something before you can give? As I was taught and raised and as the bible states, you do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It didn't say, you get from others then you give to them what you got from them. I am not going to get into religion with this post, because it is also pretty simple in the fact that if you do not believe in the bible, then this whole conversation about wives submitting and respecting their husbands and husbands cherishing their wives and loving them as Christ loves the church, is just moot. But I will say this about women who choose to treat their husbands differently than the norm and that is: we are more fulfilled.

I don't always enjoy getting up and doing chores, but I do know that my husband goes off to work and is stressed and weary by the time he gets home. He doesn't want to come home to a cluttered home or a home thats a wreck. I think I have stated this before in my previous posts, but I will state it again. Your home should be one that when your husband walks in, he walks into peace and not chaos. Its not always going to be perfect. He may walk in and two kids are crying and dinner went too long in the crock pot and is burned, but the way I greet him is the difference. If I shove a baby into his arms and say you need to go get dinner while I get this kid a bath, then he is going to think, really? I came home to this, maybe I should have worked late and waited until the kids were in bed. Instead, I smile, I laugh and I say we're having a moment. I kiss him. I let him change out of his work clothes. I get the kids to calm down and then I explain dinner. He's happy to help once he's changed clothes. He can sit and hold the baby while I get the toddler to bed and then we can calmly discuss dinner and make a plan together. This is respect. It's respecting the fact that he has a job too and I don't want him telling me what to do, so why would I do that to him. Because I choose to make a difference and respect my husband, he cherishes me and loves me in ways I never thought possible. He will fetch dinner at any hour in any weather condition, he will give me a Saturday off where I can do whatever I want while he watches the kids, he rubs my feet, he even runs off to get me some dessert from wherever just because. He brings me flowers just because and he is often surprising me with little gifts here and there.  And he gets that my job is harder than his.

We did not get here by demanding that our needs come first. We got here because we put the other person ahead of ourselves. I completely understand not wanting to give respect if you are being disrespected. And in some extreme cases, this is true. Always know who you are and what you are worth. Stand up for yourself and don't let someone walk all over you. But this is not what this blogger was talking about, yet some woman took it this way. Life is too short and frankly, there are some pretty easy things one can do in a marriage to make a marriage run more smoothly, why take things to the extreme and complain about not getting yours. These ladies were making comments about how this is from another century and this blogger is living in the 1950's. I know that not every woman back then was happy and I know the divorce rate was very low because it was frowned upon, but look at the divorce rates now! I don't know about you, but if giving respect in turn means I am loved the way I need and want, and that saves my marriage, then I plan on respecting my husband always and putting him first.

I will say, however, that there have been one or two occasions when we have had fights and I stand up for myself and remind my husband of my worth. He stops, calms down, and we go back to discussing whatever calmly. There are times, when women need to stand up for themselves, even to their husbands. But we don't have to make a huge case about the women who choose to live their life by submitting. If you disagree, fine, disagree, live your life the way you choose, have a marriage the way you want and be happy, but don't lash out at those who choose to live differently.

I chose to stay home. I wanted to stay home and I do not get to stay home because I married a wealthy man as one woman stated, and he certainly DID NOT tell me I HAD to stay home. I make my own choices and truthfully, we will always make sacrifices so I can be here. Day care costs so much anyway, it would take my whole paycheck nearly, so I stay home because WE (my husband and I) believe that is what is best for our kids. I may go back to work someday when they are in school. I may go back to school and get my masters or my law degree. I may never do either and make a life out of being a homemaker, but know that whatever I choose, I choose.

Women's rights were designed and made a big deal because women wanted the right to choose, the right to vote, the right to work and earn what a man earns. Women wanted to be treated equal. So lets treat each other and all women as equals regardless of what lives we choose to live. Women wanted rights, now we have them all, so respect your fellow women's right to live. Don't bash it because it is not what you want. Truthfully, there is no right or wrong. There is not any two people on this planet that are exactly alike. There is not any situation or circumstance out there that is identical to the next, so how can one person say what someone should do or shouldn't do? How can someone else think they know better? Lets love more, support more, respect more, be more considerate, compassionate and tolerant and then maybe the violence will go down, divorce will go down and hatred will subside.

I was infuriated by what these women were saying to this one woman, who is bold enough to write and announce to the world that this is how she lives and how her marriage works. I agree with almost everything she said, but I am not going to be mean to the girl next to me who disagrees all the way. I want people to know that marriages work when people stop caring about themselves first and put their spouse ahead of them. Put their needs and wants ahead of ours and in turn the joy you receive from loving them like that is worth more than anything I could have asked for. Seeing my husband happy and excited to come home after a long day is what brightens my day. So I write this and I intend on posting this onto this blog I read in response to all those comments, to say that we need to love and let go a lot more. Live more Christ like if thats what you believe and if not, then just live to be more tolerant.

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